Open Hands.

When I was a senior in high school, I was asked to share some words on a tired, cold Monday morning to the rest of the small school that was also my closest community. The only thing I had in mind to talk about when asked was how my expectations always altered situations. If I had abnormally high expectations, I was most definitely always let down because that is the nature of this beautiful, wild thing called life. Looking back, I was naive that week, because at the time my successes and progress in being who I wanted to be was at an all time high. Little did I know that post-high school would hold some of the most tumultuous adventures I would encounter, and the words I would say would lend me more comfort than I thought. But I said on that Monday morning: Come with expectancy instead of expectations. I didn't know that string of words would quickly become integral to who I am becoming. When you come to the table, whether it be at school, work, relationships, or anything of the sort, with expectations, you will probably be let down. I learned this overtime when I would always expect my friends and family to perform their best and never fail me. So, when I learned that I would be failed, some promises would be broken, some friendships would be valleys, I was tired, worn, and ready to call it quits on being intentional with people. When I’ve expected people to see my side of view without explaining it to them, I would come out baffled that they didn’t know what I was thinking. Because people should always know, right? Expectancy, on the other hand, leaves room for change, for risk, for altered outcomes. It leaves room for insane goodness you didn’t know was capable because you were stuck in one lane. Perhaps, when you are expectant rather than determined, you can see a new side of things - of people, places, ideas - and out of that could come the most growth and healing. This happened for me when I realized I had been stuck in a box of belief my whole life, so instead of being so certain, I decided to be open to alteration, and out of that I have healed from grief and come out the other side with a stronger idea of what I believe. I’ve started to believe that thought that is mine and not the culture’s that I grew up in. And that is beautiful. Expectancy is believing that God knows what’s up. He always knows. That we are just not in control. Open hands hold precious things, and sometimes you have to learn this the hard way - like having clenched fists for a long time and letting God in to hold your hand. In all parts of life, expect growth, expect goodness, expect discomfort, and most of all of expect the love of Jesus - the healing and unhindered glory of Jesus. “For the highs and lows and moments in between, mountains and valleys, and rivers and streams, for where you are now and where you will go, for 'I’ve always known' and 'I told you so,' for 'nothing is happening,' and 'all has gone wrong,' it’s here in the journey you will learn to be strong, you will get where you’re going, landing where you belong.” -Morgan Harper Nicholswords by Madi Houchin and photo by Leah Van Otterloo