Free Indeed.

I have always wanted a miraculous God story. One I would tell people, and they could no longer doubt His existence. Or maybe it wasn’t for other people. Maybe I wanted a miracle so I could no longer doubt God’s existence.

I have only been a real follower of Jesus for three and a half years now, and throughout this time, I have heard people tell stories of how God randomly provided the exact amount of money they needed at the time, or how their uncle survived some crazy accident. I don’t have a story like that. I don’t have unexplained life experiences. I can’t think of any miraculous stories.

I am almost a senior in college, but before I graduated high school, I cried any time my parents brought up the “so what are you going to do next” conversation. I was always expected to further my education, but the thought of starting over, starting a new school, it paralyzed me. Then after college began, it became any time my parents would tell me I needed to get a job, I would cry. I could not go into a place where people were expecting me to be perfect at the time. I could not handle the idea of starting over.

I have eight months until I will earn my bachelor’s degree. I have been working at a wonderful job for the last year. I have done so much more than I thought I ever could.

All of this to say that maybe the miracle is my life. Maybe, it’s not an individual story inside of what has been my life, it’s the complete story. I don’t know how I’m almost graduating college. I don’t know how I’ve been a Young Life leader for two and a half years. I don’t know how I’ve been able to work a job. I don’t know how I am here. It makes no sense.

When I try to consider what brought me here, I come to the conclusion that I could have never done this. I could have never brought myself to this point. I am determined, but not this determined. I am brave, but not this brave. This was God. This was grace.

To the 14 year old girl who cries when she comes home from school every day, to the 16 year old who thought that she was alone, to the 17 year old girl who couldn’t picture herself anywhere besides under her covers, to the 18 year old girl who accepted she would always be a slave to fear and shame, congratulations. You are here. You did it. You have gone farther than you could have in your wildest dreams.

Never forget that you can’t do this alone. Never forget that you are being watched over. Never forget that God’s going to get you where He wants you to be. Never forget that you are free. You are free indeed.

words by Ashley Jesus and photo by Arianna Taralson