Never and Always Enough.

You know when you’re nearing the end of a puzzle and realize there’s a piece or two missing from the box? You’ve finished the puzzle but the holes staring you in the face keep you from feeling the satisfaction of finishing the task.Sometimes I feel like certain parts of myself don’t fit the world around me like I think they should. Maybe I’m too introspective, but I think in a lot of ways I’m either too much or not enough wherever I am. I have too much emotion in one relationship and hold back to much in another. Too intense in one conversation and too casual in another.  Too creative for one career path and not creative enough for so many others. Not adventurous enough. Too needy. Too independent. There’s a push and a pull everywhere I go and in everything I do, and I’m left wondering where I’m supposed to stop.Where the heck is the middle ground?! Does it even exist? Where am I supposed to rest in myself? Sometimes I think I know, but I never do, because only He knows. Though, He may never tell me in a dream or a song what career I’m supposed to have or what relationships to pursue or how I’m going to get through parenting someday.The bottom line is, I’m never going to be the perfect puzzle piece; I’m never going to fit quite right. I’m not trying to be melodramatic or overstate my own importance; I think we’re all this way. No matter how much we love or try, we’re going to argue and hurt and misunderstand and not feel completely fulfilled or content with every aspect of our lives. None of us will ever fit perfectly, because nothing is perfect. Absolutely nothing. The only exception is Jesus.As humans we are messy and confused, and no matter how hard we try to live up to our own standards, we never will. The hardest part of that, at least for me  (repeat after me if you have to): that’s ok. My mind and my relationships may get a little messy sometimes, but I know that He is here and he is guiding me where I need to go. I may feel like I’m a little too much or not quite enough in my relationships or my job or even just within myself but I know that because of Jesus I am free, unshackled from my fears and sins by his resurrection and loved more than anything I can fathom and known to my core by the One who created me.I am going to be afraid and things are going to hurt, but I know that I will make it to the other side and he will be standing right next to me. He calls me beloved, and he says I’m enough, not because of anything I did, but because of what he’s done.words by Josie Bivens and photo by Jenny Lawrence