Still Learning.

It's okay to keep learning the same lesson over and over again.I've been learning how to wait for years. Patience is a virtue that I should have nailed down at this point. Unfortunately, I'm still learning. Waiting is a talent that I don't have; impatience is one of my biggest struggles.My family has been going through some crazy financial ups and downs for as long as I can remember. It gets tough. There have been times that we have waited for God to provide and it took him so long that I started doubting him. Over and over, God proves himself to me, yet I still doubt him. Waiting on God is the worst.It feels as if this war with impatience will never be won. It isn't just an issue that I have at home either. It's something I deal with in relationships everyday, especially when it comes to dating. I have never had a boyfriend. God and I have had a lot of talks about this. People tell me constantly, "If you're pursuing God, the right guy will pursue you." Okay, awesome. Well what happens when you feel like you've been consistently pursuing God for a long time and there's no one in sight? The correct answer is probably something along the lines of: God's timing is perfect, just keep trusting Him. But, you know me, I still go through those times of doubt.Writing for this magazine has made me realize how often I am learning this lesson. Each month, my first thought is to write about patience, but if I'm being honest, I know nothing about being patient. Sometimes I feel like I do, I know how to push myself to a place of contentment, but there are also days when I just want to wallow in self-pity and anger towards God. I should not be writing this article. I have been learning this lesson since the day I was born.So I'm not going to give you too much advice on how to be patient because I'm not good at waiting either. This article is being written to tell you that it is okay to learn the same lesson over and over. It's okay to not "get it" the first time around. It's okay to mess up, even after you thought you had finally grasped the concept. Just keep trying.Don't ever give up on God, and don't you dare give up on yourself. You are human. You are going to slip up, and you are going to have to look at the lesson plan again. You are going to have to go step by step, like you would on a complex algebra problem. It's going to take some time, maybe a lot of it, but you will get there. So will I. Whatever you're learning, whatever you've been learning for years, you will get it. Don't give up.Psalm 27:14 - Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord.Phillipians 4:6-7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.words by Lucy Boyland and photo by Cate Willis