Clearing the Cobwebs.

Today was the hardest day, for no immediate apparent reason other than a nagging deep down inside that was begging to be let out, but didn't know how. Words were spilled, tears, and yelling even, a little. Sadness and the feeling of anxiousness had taken hold of my heart today and it was letting doubt and pain sweep over like a fog.But out of this beauty is spun; in giving life and validation to uncertainties and fogginess and all of the what-ifs. This season of life has felt like living in a spell of what-ifs and letting them spin webs tighter and tighter into constant tears and constant worries (I think that’s where the whole choked up feeling comes from).But I don’t want the webs to do that. I want them instead to have their beginnings and end all in one, be able to be released in a breath. I have been living in what-ifs, of love and joy of uncertainty with the current place of my life. All the while, seeing and speaking of the danger of living too deeply consumed in future plans and past stories that have not yet seen their completion. God has given me, you, us a spirit of peace and not of fear. The assurance that there is wonderful joy ahead, but in the meanwhile to press into the webs and discomfort and be at rest in feeling incomplete. He is the ultimate “end” of our story, just as He is the beginning, the middle, the messiness and the wonder. Isn't that such a glorious thing to realize?Today was the hardest day, but I feel that the webs were able to untangle as a friend asked me how I was and honesty took hold of my words. I grieve for the hands I am no longer holding in this chapter, but rejoice in the comfort that the Lord has been holding my opposite one throughout the stories entirety. I am afraid and uncertain for the places my work and life and heart will take me in the months to come, but am beginning to see more clearly the light that is peeking its face through the tangles. Here's to acknowledging the cobwebs that cloud our hearts, but not letting their deceptiveness take root."For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7)."In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold" (1 Peter 1:6-7).words by Erin McChurch and photo by Shelby Bauer