Equipped.

Hello, my name is Megan, and I am an over-thinker. I see my humanness in the way I overanalyze things, think about them far past their time and often make things more complicated than they need to be. Perhaps this is all a result of my whole “perfectionist" thing. I never thought I would find myself as a twenty-something-year-old out of college, living in the city I always dreamed to live in and working in the industry I always wanted to work in, and yet, still questioning if it’s where I should be and what I should be doing. I guess I just always thought that once I got to this part and it all finally fell into place, I’d be done wondering things like, ‘Is this what I should be doing?', ‘What is the plan?’ or ‘Where does the Lord want me to be?’ But here I am, and those thoughts and questions and circumstances still wander through my mind every now and then.You see, most times I am the girl who writes in every journal I own, filling up every space between the lines. I find myself attempting to figure it out a lot of the time, and writing it all down sometimes feels like a way to achieve that. But let me share something with you that I’ve been learning. I’ve had this change of perspective. I’ve sat and I’ve listened. And suddenly I am more comfortable with unwritten lines and I feel free and confident in the unsure and unknown. “Where God calls you, He will also equip you.” I heard these words recently, and I felt my clenched fists opening up. I felt the urge to let go of my pen, and I felt my mind stop frantically racing. If God has called us to something, or to somewhere, He will equip us for it. Isn’t this incredible truth? Isn’t it so comforting?I sit back and I reflect on all that the Lord has provided me with here. He’s given me a place to live, roommates that build me up, a job, a community, the list can go on. Sure it’s been hard and sure these gifts have taken time. But the Lord is a giver. He doesn’t have a problem giving, I just too often have a hard time receiving. I easily become blinded to what the Lord is giving to me. We have a God who wants us to come along side of Him and build His kingdom. If he didn’t want me to do that where I am now, then He wouldn’t be providing me with all of these things here to do just that. He would cause me to be led elsewhere. He is not a confusing God. And also, He does not waste things. He has a kingdom to run.I was talking with a friend, who I also consider a mentor, about how so often I am left feeling rather exhausted trying to figure out where God wants me and what I should be doing. In response, my friend drew this diagram on a scrap piece of paper. It had God at the top and then two things listed under Him: “loving Him with everything” and “loving His people.” This, of course, is the great command from Jesus Himself. The diagram then had arrows pointing to a couple of different things - jobs and ministries and such I've been doing and thinking about doing. In that moment, I once again realized how I complicate things. If I complicate the ultimate calling from the Lord, then of course I'm going to complicate all the little details of daily life as well.There is a quote from “The Inner Voice of Love” by Henri J.M. Nouwen that reads, “When you get exhausted, frustrated, overwhelmed, or run down, your body is saying that you are doing things that are none of your business. God does not require of you what is beyond your ability, what leads you away from God, or what makes you depressed or sad. God wants you to live for others and to live that presence well. Doing so might include suffering, fatigue, and even moments of great physical or emotional pain, but none of this must ever pull you away from your deepest self and God.”The One who calls and sends also sustains. As said in 2 Corinthians 9:8, “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” And so I’m reminded how He’s the one with the worthwhile plan, I’m just along for the ride. And I sit here and look around at all the Lord has done to get me to where I’m at now - the hard parts, the wonderful and lovely parts, all the parts - and I look at all He’s provided me with here. And this enables me to walk confidently through my day saying I’m His child and well, that’s how I know I can stay put for a little while.words by Megan Sauers and photo by Arianna Taralson